I started yesterday off at the podiatrist's office for a check up on my foot. I can slowly start transitioning back into a real shoe! YAY! After 4 weeks in a post op shoe, I am so glad that I will be able to wear matching shoes and socks. I know I could have worn matching socks, but I had a dilemma. I needed to wear a thicker sock to keep my foot warm and they would not fit into my regular shoe, so I wore one regular sock and one thick sock. I have had to be very careful about what kind of shoe I wore. I couldn't wear a high shoe because then I limped, let's just say, it's been a pain! Moral of the story is I am super glad to be going back into regular shoes!
My next appointment was with my gynecologist. This one was not as awesome. First of all, I am on my period, so life in general is getting to me more than it normally would. Plus this is the first time I have had to have an exam while on my period. Luckily, my flow is super light anyway so it was not THAT horrible. She told me there was a chance that I might have to redo my pap because the results might not be accurate since I am on my period. Great.
Then we start talking about the baby stuff. I am 34, so it's not like I think I have all the time in the world to have a baby. I know I am close to reaching that magical 35 mark where everything starts to go downhill (ok, that's a bit dramatic). So basically she told me we needed to start making some decisions. She offered clomid, which I denied. I have not had the appropriate testing done, plus most of my charts show ovulation, so why induce ovulation when I am already ovulating? I also asked about the monitoring she would do. Now this was a question I knew the answer to before I even asked. She told me that she would want me to continue to chart by taking my temperature and using OPKs, no bloodwork, no ultrasounds. Most gynos do not do proper monitoring for clomid patients, they are in the business of taking care of pregnant women, not helping them get pregnant. However, I knew this was not the right path for me at this time. I have not had the HSG (hysterosalpingogram)
to see if my tubes are clear, I don't want to medicate myself to induce ovulation if the egg cannot get anywhere!
She did tell me she could order an HSG but that might not be the best idea for her to do if I was planning on seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist). Often, REs like to do all of their own testing and she did not want us to have to pay twice. D and I have to pay out of pocket (OOP) for any fertility treatments since our insurance covers nothing. She told me that really there wasn't anything else she can do for me. So she asked if I wanted her to give me a referral to an RE. I knew this was coming, but somehow it still kind of took my breath away. So we discussed our options, who she would recommend, who I knew about already. So we decided on a doctor. When I left, I had to stop at the desk to get the referral. They asked if I wanted them to go ahead and make the appointment for me, I didn't. I told them, I wasn't sure when I wanted to go. So I get the paperwork and there it is in black and white: diagnosis--INFERTILITY. Why did it hurt me to read that on the paper? It's not like I didn't know. I mean seriously, we have been trying for almost 3 years. That still didn't stop me from crying in the car.
So I suppose it's time for us to decide what we are going to do. Do I call for the initial consult? Do we wait until we have save some money? Decisions, decisions! All I know is, I am going to pray about it, then pray some more. That's the only thing I have control over right now.
Saturday, February 9, 2013
Monday, February 4, 2013
An eh day
It has been one of those days where I have struggled to let my light shine. I lost my temper at work today, which I HATE. I work with precious kiddos and I raised my voice, not something I like to do at.all! I have no excuse that's worth giving. Sometimes they know how to push every button to push you over the edge and I fell off the cliff today. The beginning of my tumble from the cliff was starting my period. Awesome. I knew it was coming since everything has been bringing me to tears, I have a gigantic zit beside my nose, and all I want to do is eat. So it shouldn't be a surprise, but somehow it always takes my breath away. Because no matter how I "try" not to get my hopes up about being pregnant, it doesn't work.
Now I will tell you all a secret, each cycle I calculate when I would be 12 weeks along so I can start planning on how I would tell people. Lame. So the moral of this story is don't believe me when I tell you that I try not to get my hopes up each cycle because I am a lying liar who lies.
I go for my annual exam on Friday. I hope my period is over by that point, which it should be but of course this will probably be the period that last 7 days with a heavy flow! I have no indication that this is going to be the case other than my crappy mood. I am sure it is going to be my normal 2 day period that will be finished by Friday. I will probably still be spotting but that shouldn't be a big deal, right? I have always planned my exams around my period but this one kind of came up and bit me in the behind....lol! And of course this is the time that I have the perfect 28 day cycle!
Enough complaining on my part. I have good things going on in my life too. I am going to be presenting with my boss at a summer conference which will bring in an extra $300! That is super exciting for me, I am not sure what I will do with the money yet, but I am sure I will figure something out!
I hope tomorrow renews my light enough to let it shine!
Now I will tell you all a secret, each cycle I calculate when I would be 12 weeks along so I can start planning on how I would tell people. Lame. So the moral of this story is don't believe me when I tell you that I try not to get my hopes up each cycle because I am a lying liar who lies.
I go for my annual exam on Friday. I hope my period is over by that point, which it should be but of course this will probably be the period that last 7 days with a heavy flow! I have no indication that this is going to be the case other than my crappy mood. I am sure it is going to be my normal 2 day period that will be finished by Friday. I will probably still be spotting but that shouldn't be a big deal, right? I have always planned my exams around my period but this one kind of came up and bit me in the behind....lol! And of course this is the time that I have the perfect 28 day cycle!
Enough complaining on my part. I have good things going on in my life too. I am going to be presenting with my boss at a summer conference which will bring in an extra $300! That is super exciting for me, I am not sure what I will do with the money yet, but I am sure I will figure something out!
I hope tomorrow renews my light enough to let it shine!
Friday, February 1, 2013
Snow day!
It's a snow day here. I know only in a rural area in the south would you get a snow day for less than 2 inches of snow! D is "working" from home today so we are here together. However that puts me in the situation of not being able to do anything I need to do because he questions me on why I am doing things. Why don't you sit down, blah, blah, blah! I love him, but I can't get anything done when he is home!
Benny is such an awesome dog but if he doesn't start sleeping, he is going to be someone else's awesome dog! He is waking up at 3 am everyday. He does go out and potty and I put him right back into the kennel. So here I am letting the dog cry it out at night! I have to put headphones on so I don't hear him. It is really hard to do and I am so exhausted! I know it is for the best and we have to train him and not let him train us, but I am at a loss! Of course D does not hear him at all, in fact he said, Benny slept all night! Umm, no, he slept until 3 when I got up to let him out!
I am currently in my two week wait. I don't know why I even bother keeping track anymore. I never really get my hopes up, so I am not terribly upset when I am not PG! Self-preservation is the key. I have had a headache for a couple of days now, that's awesome. I hate having a headache, I rarely get one so I think that makes each one worse!
I am due for my annual exam on the 8th, that should be fun since I think I will be on my period. Great. I am going to get a name for a Reproductive Endocrinologist since we have been trying to get PG for almost 3 years now. I don't know what I will do with the name yet since we are totally out of pocket for fertility treatments and we are not where I would like to be financially. I was hoping to be debt free by the end of the year but I have had some setbacks. There is still hope though!
I go back to the doctor for my food on the 8th too. I hope I can get out of the post op shoe. This has really hindered my weight loss efforts. I was down 10 lbs even until I gained this week. Boo! I am still down 8.6, but still, I am not supposed to go up!
Benny is such an awesome dog but if he doesn't start sleeping, he is going to be someone else's awesome dog! He is waking up at 3 am everyday. He does go out and potty and I put him right back into the kennel. So here I am letting the dog cry it out at night! I have to put headphones on so I don't hear him. It is really hard to do and I am so exhausted! I know it is for the best and we have to train him and not let him train us, but I am at a loss! Of course D does not hear him at all, in fact he said, Benny slept all night! Umm, no, he slept until 3 when I got up to let him out!
I am currently in my two week wait. I don't know why I even bother keeping track anymore. I never really get my hopes up, so I am not terribly upset when I am not PG! Self-preservation is the key. I have had a headache for a couple of days now, that's awesome. I hate having a headache, I rarely get one so I think that makes each one worse!
I am due for my annual exam on the 8th, that should be fun since I think I will be on my period. Great. I am going to get a name for a Reproductive Endocrinologist since we have been trying to get PG for almost 3 years now. I don't know what I will do with the name yet since we are totally out of pocket for fertility treatments and we are not where I would like to be financially. I was hoping to be debt free by the end of the year but I have had some setbacks. There is still hope though!
I go back to the doctor for my food on the 8th too. I hope I can get out of the post op shoe. This has really hindered my weight loss efforts. I was down 10 lbs even until I gained this week. Boo! I am still down 8.6, but still, I am not supposed to go up!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
What a week!
Oh my! What a week it has been. D had to go out of town on business. While he was away, his suitcase was stolen from his vehicle while he was carrying other items up to his room. In the suitcase were all of his clothes, his glasses, phone charger, toiletries, and fresh baked cookies! D is a giant and it is hard for him to get all of his belongings replaced. What I need to mention is that his medications were also in there. This has not been a good thing at all for him to go for a week with no meds! His blood pressure was through the roof and his moods are very dangerously grumpy! He tried telling me he was doing fine without the medication and I called BS! I could tell by the tones of our conversations, the agitation he felt about silly things, and how he acted towards me in general. I know that this was beyond his control, but I will tell you, it has been a strain this week. I was so worried because he kept telling me how good he felt and that he was doing ok without the meds. I kept thinking to myself, that's what you think! I told him today that I understand that his feelings are from the lack of meds and that everything will level out once he starts taking them again. Even though I know the cause so many of the feelings of oh my, I am walking on eggshells again! I am going to ride this out and keep going but man it is not easy!
I have also been in a mood this week myself. This stress fracture in my foot is really cramping my style. I am wearing the boot faithfully! I have seriously over done it a few days though. I put together a bench, a mirror and 2 bookcases to put in our entry way. I have made it into a little reading area with a chair and lamp. I will post some pictures when I get it all finished and polished! Pinterest is going to make me go broke!
On another wonderful note, I am going to the beach! I can't wait to go in April for spring break! I am going with my bestie, her little boy, and nephew. I know that is probably not going to be warm enough to really lay out on the beach, but it will be wonderful to smell the salty air and feel the sand between my toes! We are going to stay here: Our Hotel
The baby front is pretty boring right now. I think we had pretty good timing this cycle so we will see if it worked or not. I should start my period around February 5. I don't hold my breath anymore about getting pregnant. I guess if the day ever happens, I will be ecstatic and go with it. The way I look at it now (that it is never going to happen) is for self preservation.
Weight loss front, I have lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks! I am thrilled! If I can do 2 lbs a week, I can lose 30 lbs by the time I hit the beach. I really wish I could get on the elliptical. I think I am going to try next week, giving my foot a little more time to heal. I think I will be able to do it since there is very little impact on my foot once I step on the pedal. Wish me luck!
I have also been in a mood this week myself. This stress fracture in my foot is really cramping my style. I am wearing the boot faithfully! I have seriously over done it a few days though. I put together a bench, a mirror and 2 bookcases to put in our entry way. I have made it into a little reading area with a chair and lamp. I will post some pictures when I get it all finished and polished! Pinterest is going to make me go broke!
On another wonderful note, I am going to the beach! I can't wait to go in April for spring break! I am going with my bestie, her little boy, and nephew. I know that is probably not going to be warm enough to really lay out on the beach, but it will be wonderful to smell the salty air and feel the sand between my toes! We are going to stay here: Our Hotel
The baby front is pretty boring right now. I think we had pretty good timing this cycle so we will see if it worked or not. I should start my period around February 5. I don't hold my breath anymore about getting pregnant. I guess if the day ever happens, I will be ecstatic and go with it. The way I look at it now (that it is never going to happen) is for self preservation.
Weight loss front, I have lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks! I am thrilled! If I can do 2 lbs a week, I can lose 30 lbs by the time I hit the beach. I really wish I could get on the elliptical. I think I am going to try next week, giving my foot a little more time to heal. I think I will be able to do it since there is very little impact on my foot once I step on the pedal. Wish me luck!
Monday, January 21, 2013
A few days off
I know this is insanity, but I have NO alone time ever! D is going to be out of town all this week, I am already off for MLK day and I took tomorrow off too. I get to stay home by myself all day! I am so thrilled! I know this is such a small thing, but oh my, it makes me super happy! Don't get me wrong, I love D and I love spending time with him, but I need a minute to breathe and not have someone asking me why I am breathing that way! :)
Oh yeah, I started South Beach again and lost 7.8 lbs the first week. Yay me! However, I am not sure week 2 is going to go as well. I have a stress fracture in my foot, so I am benched on exercise. Not that I was burning it up or anything, but I did walk Benny several times a day. It frustrates me since he acts out when he doesn't get enough exercise. D can walk him at night but with him being out of town all week, that leaves me in a dilemma. I am afraid we might be mad at each other before the end of the week!
OK, now let me get the mushy stuff out of the way. I think I love this silly dog so much because I am worried that we are never going to have kids. He is kind of filling a void in me. He needs me, loves me and is always happy to see me! D loves him too. He tells me all the time he thinks Benny gives us hugs. He will sit down and just lay over on you and look up at you like you are the very best thing in the world. Melts my heart!
Let's talk about babies. I am thinking I should O on Tuesday. D and I did what we had to do before he left. It's not as easy as you think. Trying to have a baby for 32 months kind of sucks the life out of you after a while, so I have just decided that we are going to have sex whenever and just for fun. I have not ever really told him when we "have" to have sex or not. Let me just tell you, that has not always worked to my advantage either. Neither one of us has a tremendously high sex drive so it is more work than you think. I think we are back on our way to pre-trying to have a baby sex...I hope!
Oh yeah, I started South Beach again and lost 7.8 lbs the first week. Yay me! However, I am not sure week 2 is going to go as well. I have a stress fracture in my foot, so I am benched on exercise. Not that I was burning it up or anything, but I did walk Benny several times a day. It frustrates me since he acts out when he doesn't get enough exercise. D can walk him at night but with him being out of town all week, that leaves me in a dilemma. I am afraid we might be mad at each other before the end of the week!
OK, now let me get the mushy stuff out of the way. I think I love this silly dog so much because I am worried that we are never going to have kids. He is kind of filling a void in me. He needs me, loves me and is always happy to see me! D loves him too. He tells me all the time he thinks Benny gives us hugs. He will sit down and just lay over on you and look up at you like you are the very best thing in the world. Melts my heart!
Let's talk about babies. I am thinking I should O on Tuesday. D and I did what we had to do before he left. It's not as easy as you think. Trying to have a baby for 32 months kind of sucks the life out of you after a while, so I have just decided that we are going to have sex whenever and just for fun. I have not ever really told him when we "have" to have sex or not. Let me just tell you, that has not always worked to my advantage either. Neither one of us has a tremendously high sex drive so it is more work than you think. I think we are back on our way to pre-trying to have a baby sex...I hope!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
New Year, New Goals
I am a terrible blogger...I have no excuse, other than I am lazy. Plain and simple.
Let's see, here is where we are in life. D has a job he finally likes (or so he tells me), he is on some medication for anxiety, which is making a world of difference in our marriage, and I am chilling out on some things. Overall, things are much better than they were. We went to therapy for a while until his work schedule got crazy for us and we had to keep cancelling appointments. We are still using the tools we brought out of therapy in our daily life though. I will say this, if you are struggling in your marriage or in life, please go talk to a therapist! It can make a world of difference! They are there to listen to you, give you tools on how to cope with life, and to be an impartial 3rd party in your conflicts. I wasn't crazy about the therapist we were seeing, but I continued because it was good for my husband.
We made it through the holidays with his crazy family. They are just plain crazy, that is all I can say about them. His parents had to move last month, the home they moved to did not have a stove. His sister and I bought them a gift card to a home improvement store so they could buy a stove. They were not happy with that, they really wanted something else. Next year, a lump of coal!
His mom told everyone that I have personally ruined their family Christmas by us not being there on Christmas Eve. We travel to my family's house 4 hours away for Christmas, so no, we are not going to be there on Christmas Eve. I made sure I asked her before we got married how she wanted to handle holidays, I want to remind her this is what she chose before D and I married. We stay here for Thanksgiving and go to my family on Christmas. I digress...
Work is going great. I still love my job, which makes it so much easier to go to each day. I often wonder if I should do a different grade than preschool, but then I think about how sweet and funny they are! I decide, nah, I am good!
Baby stuff, nothing new. We are working on paying off our debt so we can be ready to pay for treatments if the need be. Plus I wanted to make sure we were in a good place in our marriage before we brought a new life into the world. Though I am pretty sure that there is no concern of me getting pregnant without help. I am ok with it right now. I think about what we could do if we don't have kid: just pack up and go on vacation, never have to worry about babysitters, we don't have to pay for college or weddings...Is anyone convinced yet that I am ok if we never had kiddos?! Yeah, me either. I find myself trying not to look at newborns because I always feel like I am looking at them like I am going to kidnap them, which I am not of course! I just don't want to look at them and people know that I am longing for a baby as much as I am. We are not totally out of the infertility closet yet, but I am sure people have a good idea.
Oh we have a dog now. D found him at a gas station. He was dropped or ran off from his owners. We put his picture out but to no avail, so he is ours. His name is Benny and he is super cute and pretty well behaved overall. He did eat the leftover roast today from the counter, but such is life. :) For your viewing pleasure:
I guess overall, life is moving in the right direction. It doesn't always seem to be moving as quickly as I would like sometimes, but we all need to slow down, right?!
Let's see, here is where we are in life. D has a job he finally likes (or so he tells me), he is on some medication for anxiety, which is making a world of difference in our marriage, and I am chilling out on some things. Overall, things are much better than they were. We went to therapy for a while until his work schedule got crazy for us and we had to keep cancelling appointments. We are still using the tools we brought out of therapy in our daily life though. I will say this, if you are struggling in your marriage or in life, please go talk to a therapist! It can make a world of difference! They are there to listen to you, give you tools on how to cope with life, and to be an impartial 3rd party in your conflicts. I wasn't crazy about the therapist we were seeing, but I continued because it was good for my husband.
We made it through the holidays with his crazy family. They are just plain crazy, that is all I can say about them. His parents had to move last month, the home they moved to did not have a stove. His sister and I bought them a gift card to a home improvement store so they could buy a stove. They were not happy with that, they really wanted something else. Next year, a lump of coal!
His mom told everyone that I have personally ruined their family Christmas by us not being there on Christmas Eve. We travel to my family's house 4 hours away for Christmas, so no, we are not going to be there on Christmas Eve. I made sure I asked her before we got married how she wanted to handle holidays, I want to remind her this is what she chose before D and I married. We stay here for Thanksgiving and go to my family on Christmas. I digress...
Work is going great. I still love my job, which makes it so much easier to go to each day. I often wonder if I should do a different grade than preschool, but then I think about how sweet and funny they are! I decide, nah, I am good!
Baby stuff, nothing new. We are working on paying off our debt so we can be ready to pay for treatments if the need be. Plus I wanted to make sure we were in a good place in our marriage before we brought a new life into the world. Though I am pretty sure that there is no concern of me getting pregnant without help. I am ok with it right now. I think about what we could do if we don't have kid: just pack up and go on vacation, never have to worry about babysitters, we don't have to pay for college or weddings...Is anyone convinced yet that I am ok if we never had kiddos?! Yeah, me either. I find myself trying not to look at newborns because I always feel like I am looking at them like I am going to kidnap them, which I am not of course! I just don't want to look at them and people know that I am longing for a baby as much as I am. We are not totally out of the infertility closet yet, but I am sure people have a good idea.
Oh we have a dog now. D found him at a gas station. He was dropped or ran off from his owners. We put his picture out but to no avail, so he is ours. His name is Benny and he is super cute and pretty well behaved overall. He did eat the leftover roast today from the counter, but such is life. :) For your viewing pleasure:
 | ||
| Benny and Angelo |
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Umm, yeah, hi
I have been a bad blogger. Sorry, no excuses. I guess I don't always feel the need to update a whole lot since there is nothing going on with the baby making stuff. D is thinking of getting a different job, so we are kind of stuck in this vicious cycle that just keeps repeating over and over. He gets a job, loves the job, hates the job, wants to quit. So now his back is hurt and he has not worked in several weeks now. I am getting frustrated by this whole situation.
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