A new kind of tired!

I have been back to work since August 4th, however, my students did not return until yesterday!  Oh my goodness, I am tired!  There is a huge difference between just being at work and actually teaching!  The good part about teaching is that I forget how truly stressful (i,e. awful) the first few days with kids are!  I teach preschool and they are so needy.  They come to me babies and leave me kindergartners.  I forget about the tears that accompany them to school.  Sometimes the tears are from the students and other times it is the mommies and occasionally, it's been me!!!!!  I always find it fascinating on how many do not cry on the first day, but wait until the second day when the reality sets in that this was not a one day deal!  I chuckle to myself at some of the things they do and say.  In years past, I have had to remind some students that they are not the boss in the classroom, there is only one boss and it is me!  I wouldn't trade it for the world though, the hugs and I love yous make up for the sheer exhaustion and stress I am feeling tonight!

Sundays

I have a love/hate relationship with Sundays.  First I will start with why I love Sundays.  I stay in bed on Sundays and watch TV until it is time to get ready for church.  It is the quiet time I like to start my week off with.  I pray, reflect and just enjoy the slow pace of the day.  Then I worship with my church family.  I use the term family because that is truly what it is.  I go to a church where members truly care for one another.  We take care of each other and if someone is not there, you call and check if they are ok, or drop a message of some sort to let them know you missed them.  On our way out of church, D and I discuss the sermon, what it meant to us, how we can apply it to our lives and what we need to work on.  I always laugh to myself because D always says, the preacher outdid himself today!  D has not been able to go with me as often as he likes due to some work issues, but today I was happy he did.  We often go out to lunch after church, which is nice since it kind of feels like a date, since we don't have much time together with him working out of town all week.  Since Sunday is my last day before work so I enjoy a well-deserved nap! I am here to tell you, I can tell a difference in my week if I do not start it out with church.  I am grumpier and feel far more overwhelmed by the small stuff.  I think church brings me back to God in a way that even praying and reading my Bible cannot.

Now to why I dislike (hate is really too strong of a word) Sundays.  D leaves on Sundays to go back to work, which is the biggest reason.  You know the crazy part, I lived alone for 8 years before we got together and did just fine, I was NEVER lonely or bored!  Now that he has been around for the past few years, I sometimes find that I don't know what to do with myself.  So I find myself filling my evenings with my friends and phone calls, but it is certainly not the same.  Darn those men for getting into our hearts and minds and making us act like silly girls!  I feel like sometimes I am back in my teen years, you remember the way it goes....you hang up first, no you hang up first!  Ok, We don't really do that but seriously after we have discussed all we have to talk about, we are listening to each other breathe!  Yet we can't seem to hang up since that is our way of being connected while he is away.

Another dislike, it is my last day before work on Monday.  Don't get me wrong I LOVE my job and I am so fortunate to do something I love.  My kiddos come back to school tomorrow so I am a little more stressed than normal!  I keep telling myself that it is going to be fine and the kids will love us and we will not have very many criers!

I hope you start your week out in a way that makes you happy!

Memories

I was driving home from the grocery store, jamming to some tunes when "I Think We're Alone Now" by Tiffany came on.  I am very much a child of the late 80s and early 90s, it brought back wonderful memories!  My cousin is 9 months younger than me and lived within shouting distance so we were together ALL THE TIME!  We would choreograph dances and lip sync for hours in our grandparent's utility room.  We had a battery operated tape player and used hair brushes for microphones.  Occasionally we could get my older brother to lip sync with us if there was a boy part in a song, but most of the time he was way too cool!  It was such a simpler time, never a worry.  We played outside, rode our bikes, had picnics and climbed trees.  We came in at dark filthy dirty with a jar of lightening bugs (fireflies for my readers in other areas of the country).  We splashed in the mud puddles after a big summer rain and rolled down the hill in the back yard giggling all the way.  It is my job to make sure future kids can recall great memories like these!

Happiness is not achieved by the conscious pursuit of happiness; it is generally the by-product of other activities.
Aldous Huxley

Sunshine sweeping the clouds away

I admit it friends, I have been in a funk.  I know it is a shock to most of you...haha!  Things are looking up, not because anything has really changed, but because I have decided that they are going to look up.  My attitude has been stinky and I truly do not like being that way.  So I am changing my attitude.  I am looking at what I have to be thankful for.  My cup runs over!  I have a wonderful husband who calls me 20 times a day just to tell me he loves me, who wants to be with me, do what makes me happy and takes wonderful care of me.  I have a great family that is there for me no matter what.  I have friends who have seen me through thick and thin, a job that I am happy to go to daily, and a church family that is there for me always.  So I am leaving the bitter hag that I feel I have become behind.  I can only do what I can do and I am not going to stress and worry.  God has a plan for us and I am going to trust in Him.  My quote of the day:

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. Nelson Mandela

This and that

Anyone who has known me for any length of time, knows I am a worrier.  I try very hard not to be, but I just can't stop, it is my nature.  I think I have worried since the day I was born!  One day old me: "I hope that thing on my belly button is going to be ok.  Do you think it looks inflamed?  Somebody, anyone?!"  I can seriously remember being worried that my mom, who is quite competent and intelligent, would not remember how to get back to our house or that we would not be home in time for my older brothers to get off the bus.  See what I mean, I am a worrier.

The biggest worry for me right now obviously is having a baby.  I did not feel this worry until the last few months.  I am thinking it has to do with the fact that we are now in cycle 14 and D is out of town during my fertile time.  I feel like we are wasting this cycle and WHAT IF this was supposed to be it?!  I am beginning to think I need some therapy and I am only 1/2 kidding!  I can tell that I have not been praying enough.  I need to work on this.  I keep giving my troubles to God because I know He can handle them, but then I take them back so I can worry about them some more.  What is wrong with me!?  I am going to work on this as my personal goal this week.  Pray more, worry less!

Here we go again!

It is time for another work week.  Where does the weekend go?!  We had an awesome weekend.  We celebrated D's birthday this weekend.  I cooked a big meal and his parents, sister, brother in-law and 1 year old nephew came over.  It is so sweet watching D with his nephew.  He plays with him and picks him up all the time!  He even put him to sleep this weekend!  It was so cute, I had rocked the baby, his mommy had laid down with him and finally D just told us to give him to him.  So we did and he just went and laid him on our bed and he just went right to sleep.  It probably was a coincidence, but D was so proud of himself!  They stayed all afternoon, which is unusual.  His parents were ready to leave well before his sister and she made them wait for a while before she left!  I was chuckling to myself when she told me under her breath that if they wanted to leave, then they should have driven themselves!  I was dying!  There are some interesting stories about his family that I won't go into right now, but let's just say, I am so happy we live away from them!

I hope you all have a great week and before we know it, it will be the weekend again!

Shew!

So the severe PMS/overreactions are over!  I am so glad because my poor eyes (and sanity) could not handle any more tears!  After some reflection, I realized that my total week long meltdown was not ENTIRELY over not being pregnant.  I know some of it was because, let's face it, I am not getting any younger and I want a baby so badly!  I do think the majority of my emotional eruptions were from going back to work.  Let me start at the very beginning of this story.

When I graduated from college in 2001 I moved 4 hours away from everything and everyone I knew when I took this teaching job.  I have worked in the same school, same room and with the same people for 10 years....until now.  My district built a brand new Early Childhood Center, which is awesome, BUT, and there is always a but, I am leaving the people and place that I love.  I feel like I am leaving everything that is familiar to move to a different school.  I am leaving the people who have seen me through the heartbreak of losing my dad, grandpa and uncle.  They have seen me through the joyous time of building my house, getting married and so much more.  I went back to help on the first day since my kiddos do not start for a few more weeks.  I don't know what was worse, leaving at the end of the year or going back to help and knowing I couldn't stay.  I know to most people this sounds like it is petty and small, but I feel like I am leaving my family!  I know that I am going to see my friends at district wide events and so much more, but it is so hard knowing that I am not going to see them on a daily basis.

I do want to say there are many positives about moving to the new classroom.  I don't want that to go unsaid.  I am ecstatic about the new technology and awesome new room.  I am so happy to be working with other preschool teachers and being able to collaborate and bounce ideas off of others.  It just made me sad knowing I would not see the people I love so much  every day.  You add that on to PMS and the disappointment of not being pregnant, I was flat-out a hot mess!  I am much better now and I will make the most of the situation I am in.  I will count my blessings and try to be a positive ray of light for others during this difficult time for me and the 2 other teachers who have moved to a new school also. 

Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.
Samuel Smiles