struggling

I am not sure why this is such a tough time...well, I guess I do.  I started my period today.  I don't know why I am disappointed, we only had sex twice this month.  Neither time was in my fertile week, so yeah...

I should be happy, I just got home from a great vacation in Hilton Head.  The weather was beautiful but chilly, we were on the beach in sweatshirts and pants!  We had a great time riding bikes, playing putt putt and listening to the waves.  There is nothing better than the salty sea air and breeze! 

I guess I should be happy that I didn't get my period on the vacation.

I am sad, just sad.  I am sad because things are not how I had planned.  You find someone you love, you get married, then you have a baby.  But it just isn't happening.  I am sad that money is what is the main hold up for us.  Why should it be so expensive to have a baby?!  I am sad because my insurance doesn't cover any kind of fertility treatments, blood work, or meds.  I am just sad.

I know this is not the case, but sometimes I feel like I am being punished for something.  I try to be a good person, I go to church, I am a school teacher for pity's sake.  I think we would be good parents.  We both have good jobs, a house, and cars.  Why can't we have a baby?

I know this has been a total whine fest.  Sorry readers.