Surgery

I made it through surgery!  I could not have asked for a better experience!  I got there at 7:30, by 7:45 I am in my room.  I get my IV on the first time, woo hoo!  They let my mom and D come back after I am in my gown etc.  About 30 mins before surgery they give me some really great drugs to relax me before I went back to surgery!  Total side note, why are all anesthesiologists hotties?    They take me back to the OR and that is all I remember until I am in the recovery room.

Once in the recovery room, I remember trying to see what time it was.  Of course I couldn't read the clock because I didn't have my glasses...lol!  I kept falling back to sleep and I could hear the alarms going off and they would come tell me to breathe.  I thought I was!  I just wasn't breathing deep enough to keep my stats up.  I remember being really happy, which is totally different from my last surgical experience.  They had to change the pad while I was laying there, which under normal circumstances, would have mortified me.  I was feeling so good that I didn't care.

I finally get back to my room.  It takes me a while to wake up.  I can remember my mom trying to tell me what they found.  It doesn't sink in for a few hours.  I just could not get awake enough to understand.  Finally I get it.  They found a polyp, endometriosis, my left tube was totally blocked and it was stuck to my bowel.  The doctor removed the polyp, endo, unblocked my tube, and unstuck my tube from my bowel.  They are sending off the polyp and the scraping from my uterus for biopsy.  I was told this was normal so I am not concerned about it.

I just want to say I showed no signs of a polyp or endo.  I was totally shocked by both.  I do not have painful periods or excessive bleeding.  I have very short, light periods.

The final thing thy did was laser wedging on my ovaries.  This is basically poking holes in my ovaries to help induce ovulation.  I hope it works!  The dr told my mom and D that I still need to lose weight...duh, and that I might still need medicinal help for ovulation.  I am ok with that.

Now for the side notes:
1. Surgery didn't suck.
2. Listen to the nurse when she sys not to touch your anti-nausea patch and then touch your eyes.  They will dilate and stay that way for a while!  Learned that the hard way!
3. Trust your gut if you think something is wrong.  I didn't show any signs of an issue other than not getting pregnant.
4. Follow the directions they give you, I took Advil as soon as I left and every 4 hours and did not need any prescription pain meds.
5. They give you pictures of your innards to take home, totally gross, yet awesome!
6. Let people take care of of you for a few days!
7. Don't give up hope.


Overall, I am very happy with the outcome of the surgery.  Now on to our next step!  I am going to finish up the birth control and go from there.  I go back for my post op appointment on the 24th so I will be anxious to hear what the doctor tells me.

It's happening!!!

I am still in shock that everything is going to fall into place!  My insurance is going to cover my surgery!  I am in shock!  I called to schedule it today and it is going to be June 11!  OMG, I need to breathe!  I have NEVER been one to get excited about surgery, anesthesia, hospitals, etc. but I am stoked about this one!  I am unsure of what I want them to find.  Do I want them to find something so we can "fix" it?  Do I want them to not find something and go from there?  I don't know.  All I know is that it is all going to be ok, no matter what.

I *think* my mom is going to come and help me for a few days afterwards.  D stresses about stuff so I would almost rather he just go to work, but that's not fair to him.  I want him to be there, but I can't promise I won't snap at him if he gets all drama queen on me!  :)

I am more concerned about Benny jumping on me after surgery than anything else.  He is a great dog but he just gets super excited about everything and everyone!  He just can't help himself!

Now for some pictures!
Here is a small chest of drawers that D's parents gave us.  It was his when he was a baby...aw!

Here are some of my sweet boy:

Benny is a hoarder, this is what I walk over every morning:

My first RE visit!

It went well! I really liked Dr. H. He wants to start with a Laproscopy (a minor surgery) and check out everything internally and while he is in there, he wants to laser drill my ovaries. I am not exactly sure what that entails but I will go for it if I get a baby! He also thinks he will be able to get my insurance to pay for it. He wants to start a medicated cycle with Letrozole (femara) and Timed Intercourse. Then if that does not work, we will do Inter Uterine Insemination (IUI) with injectible medicines. If I am not pregnant by the end of the year we will move into IVF. HOLY CRAP!!! We have a plan!

Life gets in the way

It is the time of year for a teacher that the whirlwind starts!  The beginning and the end of the year are the hardest busiest time of year for everyone!  I am exhausted all the time, it feels as if I go home eat supper and go to bed in between all the evening activities that I have to do for work!

Here are some updates:

• D's cat died.  He is still in mourning.  He has been pitiful and quite upset with me since I cleaned and put away the litter boxes.  Like didn't talk to me for 2 weeks mad.
• I finally got to see my parents since they were in Florida for what seemed like forever!
• I feel like there are more, but my mind is blank...lol

I finally made the appointment with the RE.  I know, I know...I have had the referral for months.  It was a hard call to make, but one I know I needed to do since I was bombarded with newborns one day and went home and cried.  I mean seriously, who does that?!  I also stared longingly at a beautiful newborn at church one day and was really glad when they had to move to another seat because I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

After I made the appointment, I felt like a load had been lifted from my chest.  I called D to let him know and he was super sweet, reassuring me that in no way did he blame me, think this was my fault or have any ill feelings about our next step.  He also went on to say that if a biological child is not in God's plan for us then maybe we are supposed to adopt the next Lebron James...lol!  I am so glad that he is on board with all of this and that he is not being a turd like he was when we had to do his SA!  I couldn't handle that again.

I also told D that we need to check out budget and trim any fat we have because the next steps are expensive ones.  He agreed, so we will see how it goes.

I have a wonderful support system and I am so blessed in so many ways!  I always know I am never in this journey alone, so that is a great relief to me.

struggling

I am not sure why this is such a tough time...well, I guess I do.  I started my period today.  I don't know why I am disappointed, we only had sex twice this month.  Neither time was in my fertile week, so yeah...

I should be happy, I just got home from a great vacation in Hilton Head.  The weather was beautiful but chilly, we were on the beach in sweatshirts and pants!  We had a great time riding bikes, playing putt putt and listening to the waves.  There is nothing better than the salty sea air and breeze! 

I guess I should be happy that I didn't get my period on the vacation.

I am sad, just sad.  I am sad because things are not how I had planned.  You find someone you love, you get married, then you have a baby.  But it just isn't happening.  I am sad that money is what is the main hold up for us.  Why should it be so expensive to have a baby?!  I am sad because my insurance doesn't cover any kind of fertility treatments, blood work, or meds.  I am just sad.

I know this is not the case, but sometimes I feel like I am being punished for something.  I try to be a good person, I go to church, I am a school teacher for pity's sake.  I think we would be good parents.  We both have good jobs, a house, and cars.  Why can't we have a baby?

I know this has been a total whine fest.  Sorry readers.

It's going to be ok

I never realized how much I say, "It's going to be ok."  I truly believe it is always going to be ok.  It may not be exactly how I would like it to, but it is always ok. 

I have had a bit of a tough week or so.  My boss, who I love, called me a little over a week ago to let me know that her mother had a heart attack.  I knew she was upset and crying and the first thing out of my mouth was, it's going to be ok.  She gave me a list of things she needed me to take care of for her while she was gone.  I got it all done and her mom IS ok after open heart surgery.  How do I know it is going to be ok?  I don't know exactly, I just do.  I guess it is faith.  I have FAITH it is going to be ok. 

I think back to when my dad passed away, it was the most horrible thing that had happened to me at that point.  It was hard, but I made it through.  I think of all the good things that came out of that horrible situation.  I found out how important my family is to me.  I live 4 hours away, it's easy to be disconnected.  I found out who my true friends are, they didn't try to make my dad's death about them.  I found a wonderful church home that lifts me up and makes me a better person.

Was my dad's death a bright and shiny spot in my life, absolutely not.  Am I ok?  I sure am.  It took me a while to get there, but I made it! 

Snow Day!

It's a snow day!  An extra day at home to get all the things you needed to get done but don't have time for.  WRONG!  It is an extra day at home in comfy clothes on the couch doing nothing!  It is glorious!  D still had to go to work, so it is just me and the pets at home.  That's ok, because they are lazier than me.  They are both sleeping the day away!  Benny doesn't even want to go outside to potty, I put the leash on him, open the door, and he just stands there looking at me like really?!  Yeah dude, really!  I am thinking of taking a nap in a few minutes and just being a bum for the rest of the day.  It's a hard life, but someone has to do it!