I started yesterday off at the podiatrist's office for a check up on my foot. I can slowly start transitioning back into a real shoe! YAY! After 4 weeks in a post op shoe, I am so glad that I will be able to wear matching shoes and socks. I know I could have worn matching socks, but I had a dilemma. I needed to wear a thicker sock to keep my foot warm and they would not fit into my regular shoe, so I wore one regular sock and one thick sock. I have had to be very careful about what kind of shoe I wore. I couldn't wear a high shoe because then I limped, let's just say, it's been a pain! Moral of the story is I am super glad to be going back into regular shoes!
My next appointment was with my gynecologist. This one was not as awesome. First of all, I am on my period, so life in general is getting to me more than it normally would. Plus this is the first time I have had to have an exam while on my period. Luckily, my flow is super light anyway so it was not THAT horrible. She told me there was a chance that I might have to redo my pap because the results might not be accurate since I am on my period. Great.
Then we start talking about the baby stuff. I am 34, so it's not like I think I have all the time in the world to have a baby. I know I am close to reaching that magical 35 mark where everything starts to go downhill (ok, that's a bit dramatic). So basically she told me we needed to start making some decisions. She offered clomid, which I denied. I have not had the appropriate testing done, plus most of my charts show ovulation, so why induce ovulation when I am already ovulating? I also asked about the monitoring she would do. Now this was a question I knew the answer to before I even asked. She told me that she would want me to continue to chart by taking my temperature and using OPKs, no bloodwork, no ultrasounds. Most gynos do not do proper monitoring for clomid patients, they are in the business of taking care of pregnant women, not helping them get pregnant. However, I knew this was not the right path for me at this time. I have not had the HSG (hysterosalpingogram)
to see if my tubes are clear, I don't want to medicate myself to induce ovulation if the egg cannot get anywhere!
She did tell me she could order an HSG but that might not be the best idea for her to do if I was planning on seeing an RE (reproductive endocrinologist). Often, REs like to do all of their own testing and she did not want us to have to pay twice. D and I have to pay out of pocket (OOP) for any fertility treatments since our insurance covers nothing. She told me that really there wasn't anything else she can do for me. So she asked if I wanted her to give me a referral to an RE. I knew this was coming, but somehow it still kind of took my breath away. So we discussed our options, who she would recommend, who I knew about already. So we decided on a doctor. When I left, I had to stop at the desk to get the referral. They asked if I wanted them to go ahead and make the appointment for me, I didn't. I told them, I wasn't sure when I wanted to go. So I get the paperwork and there it is in black and white: diagnosis--INFERTILITY. Why did it hurt me to read that on the paper? It's not like I didn't know. I mean seriously, we have been trying for almost 3 years. That still didn't stop me from crying in the car.
So I suppose it's time for us to decide what we are going to do. Do I call for the initial consult? Do we wait until we have save some money? Decisions, decisions! All I know is, I am going to pray about it, then pray some more. That's the only thing I have control over right now.