Tuesday, February 12, 2013

What do we do?

So I have been thinking.  That is always a scary thing but I find myself doing it occasionally.  I have been doing some soul searching really to try to decide what we need to do about the infertility thing.  I haven't come up with a plan yet, but I did talk to D about it a little bit.  I told him that the doctor gave us a referral but I didn't know what I wanted to do with it.  It is going to be super expensive for us since we are out of pocket.  I think I am going to call for a consultation and go from there.  It won't cost us THAT much for an office visit, right?!  I thought I would also talk to them about being OOP and see what they can offer.  In the meantime, we will continue to pay down debt.

Now for the soul searching.  I have been thinking and praying about having a baby.  Is this something I really WANT or is this something I just think I SHOULD do?  I don't know anymore.  I know originally I started out wanting it, but as time has gone by, I am beginning to wonder.  I am wondering if I am going down this path for the right or wrong reasons.  I love children, obviously, I work with them for a living.  But I also love my life.  I like being footloose and fancy free.  I know I would be ecstatic if we got PG and had a baby.  I know it would be a tremendous adjustment, but it would be great!  I have also been looking at the other side of things too since being childless may ultimately be in our future.  Is that something I would be ok with?  I know I am using I a lot, I think D wants kids because I want kids so I feel very responsible for these decisions.  I think he would be a great dad, but I think he would be fine never having kids.  I don't know that he would feel the void that I think I might feel if we are childless.

So I suppose these are our next steps:
1. Do not worry,  pray about everything
2. Call for a consult
3. Go to the consult
4. Pay down debt
5. Make the most of life as we know it!


  1. I can totally relate to this post. After trying to get pregnant for so long, I find myself questioning my own motives as well. Like am I doing this because I'm "supposed" to? It can really cause you to question everything! Just take it one day at a time. And I totally think the consult is a good idea, it's definitely worth pursuing!

  2. Becky, thanks for your response! It is so glad to know that others feel the way I do. It is so stressful trying to figure out if motives are pure or pressured by outside influences. I am hoping to make the appointment for the consult next week. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it!