So the severe PMS/overreactions are over! I am so glad because my poor eyes (and sanity) could not handle any more tears! After some reflection, I realized that my total week long meltdown was not ENTIRELY over not being pregnant. I know some of it was because, let's face it, I am not getting any younger and I want a baby so badly! I do think the majority of my emotional eruptions were from going back to work. Let me start at the very beginning of this story.
When I graduated from college in 2001 I moved 4 hours away from everything and everyone I knew when I took this teaching job. I have worked in the same school, same room and with the same people for 10 years....until now. My district built a brand new Early Childhood Center, which is awesome, BUT, and there is always a but, I am leaving the people and place that I love. I feel like I am leaving everything that is familiar to move to a different school. I am leaving the people who have seen me through the heartbreak of losing my dad, grandpa and uncle. They have seen me through the joyous time of building my house, getting married and so much more. I went back to help on the first day since my kiddos do not start for a few more weeks. I don't know what was worse, leaving at the end of the year or going back to help and knowing I couldn't stay. I know to most people this sounds like it is petty and small, but I feel like I am leaving my family! I know that I am going to see my friends at district wide events and so much more, but it is so hard knowing that I am not going to see them on a daily basis.
I do want to say there are many positives about moving to the new classroom. I don't want that to go unsaid. I am ecstatic about the new technology and awesome new room. I am so happy to be working with other preschool teachers and being able to collaborate and bounce ideas off of others. It just made me sad knowing I would not see the people I love so much every day. You add that on to PMS and the disappointment of not being pregnant, I was flat-out a hot mess! I am much better now and I will make the most of the situation I am in. I will count my blessings and try to be a positive ray of light for others during this difficult time for me and the 2 other teachers who have moved to a new school also.
Hope is like the sun, which, as we journey toward it, casts the shadow of our burden behind us.